Our 11-week sonogram (I'm pointing at our baby's head)
I'm pregnant. Two words I didn't think I'd say. Two words that have changed my life. I can't believe I'm going to be a MOM. ME. I'M going to be a Mother. Wow.
I lost my own Mother to ovarian cancer over 3 1/2 years ago. She was only 59. It was a devastating loss. Every birthday, holiday and of course, Mother's Day has been tough without her. I miss her everyday. While most people are making plans with their moms this weekend, I'm trying to find ways to honor her memory. It's never easy.
When Don and I got married almost two years ago, the topic of kids came up...but it was something I wasn't sure about. I used to joke with my friends that my biological clock must be "broken" because I didn't have the overwhelming desire/urge to have kids. I had a "I could take it or leave it" attitude. Then, I met Don. He's such a good man. He DESERVES to be a dad. The thought of having kids didn't scare me as much, because I knew he was going to be with me every step of the way. Suddenly, it made perfect sense...I wanted to start a family. So, here we are, a year-and-a-half later...expecting our first child. Unbelievable.
I'll never forget the first time I met with my OB/GYN to confirm the pregnancy. She walked into the exam room with open arms, yelling "CONGRATS! YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!" The REALITY of the situation started to sink in. I was immediately overcome with fear, doubt and anxiety. Could I do this? Was I going to be a good Mother? How am I going to do this without my mom's guidance??
Mom and me...4-months before she passed.
My doctor saw the look on my face...and asked "What's wrong?" By now, I had a huge lump in my throat. "I'm scared", I replied. Without hesitating, she looked in my eyes and said: "Oh Chilli, this is going to be so GREAT. For the first time in your life, you're going to understand just HOW MUCH your Mother loved you." And with that...the flood gates opened. I sat there and sobbed for the next five minutes. She was right. I was finally going to feel a connection to my Mother that I had NEVER felt before. In that moment, I realized the BEST way to HONOR her, was to become a Mother myself and pass on all HER lessons and love to MY child.
Our "special delivery" is expected on October 31st. A HALLOWEEN BABY. I'm 15-weeks along, but I'm not "showing" yet...so it doesn't seem REAL. I was nauseous most of my first trimester, but I'm much better now. I'm looking foward to sharing this journey with YOU. I'm sure I'll be seeking your advice along the way. In the meantime, I wish you a very HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!