Ladies, let's be honest. You've probably been there a time or two (or three or four..). He's handsome, he says all the right things, calls back only when it suits him, shows minimal interest...and you were HOOKED. You know better, everything in your head SCREAMS at you "Red flag!" but you continue to give this guy the time of day in the hopes he'll change.
This is what psychotherapist Ken Page has called "attractions of deprivation," when we're drawn to the bad boys, the guys who have the worst emotional characterists of our parents. In a nutshell, this theory explains that we're attracted to people who wound us the same way we were wounded emotionally in childhood. Our minds think we can re-create a new ending now in adulthood.
If you're having a difficult time pinpointing the differences between a BOY and a MAN, here are some tips:
- A man is assertive. He knows what he wants and goes after what he wants. A boy may have a general idea, but has no plan in place to make things happen.
- A man plans for the future. He's likely building a savings account, owns a home, and is working to build a strong foundation to have a family in the future. A boy lives in the moment and can likely be found planning the bars he wants to go to on the weekend.
- A man knows a good woman when he's got her. He puts forth the effort it takes to get to know her. A boy may make small attempts, but gives up easily.
- Men look for intelligent women. They look for genuine traits and morals that they'd like in a partner. Boys look at, well, LOOKS, instead of what's under the hood.
- A man communicates. He's not afraid to bring up uncomfortable or touchy subjects. He's honest with where his mind and feelings are. A boy avoids all of the above. He ignores and doesn't want to have serious converstaions.
- A man INVESTS in a woman he wants a relationship with. He's not afraid to jump into a relationship feet first. A boy tests the waters and doesn't fully give in to the relationship status change.
- A man has a good work and social life balance. He knows how to have fun, but is often busy making himself better for the future.
- A man knows his values. He's strong in morals and the type of man he wants to be. A boy is inconsistent and has not established his moral compass.
- Men have integrity. He means what he says, follows through, and his actions speak louder than his words. A boy makes promises he doesn't keep.
- Men aren't afraid to put themselves out there. They fear rejection, too, but take the risk anyhow. Boys are passive so they don't bruise their pride.
- A man doesn't play games.
Would you add anything to this list?
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